


Holding My Hand Out to You

by Psychotic_Midget



Category: Skip Beat!
Genre: After chapter 268, F/M, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Love, No longer cannon after chapter 268, Show Business, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 14:59:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18209861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psychotic_Midget/pseuds/Psychotic_Midget
Summary: After her outburst she acted as if that conversation never happened and that nothing was ever wrong, but something has changed since that day, there was now a big gulf between them.The anger and disappointment was easier to hold to her heart than to consider her feelings for him. It would be a way for her to stop nurturing those feelings for him which he would never return. She was so into her trying her best to ignore him that she hasn’t realized that she hasn’t talked to him in months. That they haven’t talked about something outside of “How was work.” And it hurt.It hurt way worst because she realized she was the one who kept pushing him away. She was the one who feigned sleep or tiredness or go over topics with Yashiro-san instead so he won't talk to her. And to her shame she has barely read his messages since then. Now she had no idea how to bridge that gap between them.





	1. Chapter 1

“Ren,” Yashiro called out from the driver’s seat. “I could arrange your schedules so the both of you could talk it out.”

Ren watched the through the window and let out a wry smile, “No need,”

He felt a stab in his chest when he remembered her too bright smile when she greeted them good night as she went out the car just moments ago. It reminded him uncomfortably of his fake gentleman smile. “I shouldn’t have asked her those questions the way I did. I admit that I lost my temper and she had every right to be angry with me.”

It pained him to think back at the way she strongly protected Fuwa. The way her eyes blazed with so much righteous fury. “I talked badly of someone she always cared for. She has made her stand tonight.”

Her posture, the way she would look that his cheek instead of straight in the eye said only one thing: ‘She didn’t want to talk about it.’ She probably didn’t even want to consider remembering that time.

“But it was Fuwa,” Yashiro pointed out. There would have been a time not long ago where she would have screamed how evil Fuwa was.

“Exactly because it was Fuwa,” Ren said with a sardonic smile, “I let my jealousy get the better of me. She has always thought well of him since they were young. At some point she genuinely loved and accepted who he was.”

Looking at the bright buildings they’ve passed Ren let his head fall back against the car seat and let all the pain and sadness he was feeling embrace him like a dense cloud.

“And I am nothing but a senior in the industry she looks up to. Someone she feels nothing but respect for,” he let out so quietly Yashiro had to strain to hear his words.

Yashiro wanted to comfort his friend but didn’t know how.

After several minutes of heavy silence they arrived at the basement parking of Ren’s apartment.

“We’re here Ren,” Yashiro called out quietly when he noticed that Ren still his eyes closed.

They stayed unmoving like that for a minute. Yashiro was about to call out again when Ren opened his eyes, “It might be tougher for you but could you make it so she doesn’t have to see me? I could drive myself around if need be or I could ask the President to lend a hand.”

Yashiro frowned at that. “Are you sure?”

‘Are you sure about running away from this?’ was left hanging unsaid but understood.

“We both need time to cool down and to reset whatever status quo we had. I’ll be here for her if she needs me. I’ll be here as the senior she needs and as a fellow actor.” Ren opened the car door and got out. “Drive safely Yashiro-san. I will see you tomorrow.”

Yashiro frowned at Ren but Ren merely gave him a gentlemanly smile and waved him away.

As Ren stood in the levator he closed his eyes and clenched his jaw as he remembered that anger and disappointment that one time she met his eyes, “I’ll be her senior and whatever she needs me to be but I guess she would no longer need me as a friend.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After several months of avoiding him Kyoko finds Ren looking very much unlike himself. And her instincts are telling her something was wrong.

Kyoko skipped through the hallways of the recording studio of Yappa Kimagure Rock while still in her Bo suit. She was still so happy and content that she gained another 100 from her latest Love Me task which she completed right before she needed to go in as Bo. 

Just remembering it made her want to dance and twirl with her fairy friends. Helping in the one of the newest cooking show was nearly as good as landing a princess role. All those new techniques she learned. And those fresh ingredients and the amazing smell. 

They’ve asked her to help in the preparation of ingredients for the dish to be served to the audience. And the master chef was very kind and he even told her stories of how he served various princesses all over the world.

And she got to taste such fantastic dishes. Dishes that he served to those princesses! 

She paused her fantasizing over one day starring in her own kitchen show with sparkling gadgets and shiny countertops when she noticed that unmistakable broad back standing just behind that little nook that nobody else seems to know was there.

She was going to turn around and leave quietly when her much larger chicken feet displace a plank that was leaning against the wall.

‘What were the props men thinking? That was a safety hazard!’ She screamed internally trying her best to make it seem like she didn’t see the man she has been avoiding for months.

But it seemed there would be no escape for her as he immediately spotted her as he turned around to look for the source of the noise, at the same time seeming to stand straighter. 

‘Stand straighter? Was Tsuruga-san slouching just then?’

He relaxed once he realized it was Bo the Chicken. He let out a wry chuckle “Oh it was you Bo. Long time no see.”

She waved her wings at him just as wryly. She picked up her pen and board and wrote, “Sorry I seemed to have intruded.” She slowly backed away, looking to escape as soon as possible.

He shook his head and let out a tired smile, ‘Tired smile? Tsuruga-san never shows when he’s tired.’ 

She narrowed her eyes and unconsciously studied how he looked. Now that tired smile, his entire posture that seemed to be carrying a heavy weight and the bags under his eyes that were perfectly covered with makeup but was still visible to her discerning eyes were starting to ring alarm bells in her head.

There was something wrong. 

“No it’s alright. I’m quite glad you snapped me out of my maudlin mood.” He let out another weak chuckle. “So how are you doing Bo?”

She was getting more and more worried. This wasn’t the usual Tsuruga-san, he was breaking character. And he doesn’t break character.

“Are you alright?” she shakily managed to write on her board

He seemed to be surprised by the question as he tilted his head and seemed to be studying her, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

She frowned at him. That was not an answer to her question. And she wrote just that in rough strokes and forcefully showed it to him.

Tsuruga-san seemed to wilt in the face of her disproval. He ran a hand over his face, “It’s nothing really just that karma has comeback to bite me.” He let out a hollow laugh.

He turned to her again and gave her a wan smile, “You go on ahead Bo, I think I drank too much of that expensive gin during the takes I had. Ignore my ramblings.”

She frowned at him. Tsuruga-san doesn’t get tipsy everyone knew that. It has become a running joke among the props team and Yashiro, how Tsuruga-san drank nearly a bottle of some strong alcoholic drink through several takes and he was able to walk in a straight line like nothing has happened. So it wasn’t the alcohol.

Her instincts were telling her there was something wrong. She became more alarmed when she noticed him wearing that watch again and he seemed to be clutching it like a lifeline. 

Something very wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regret doesn't even come close to how Ren feels for saying those words to Kyoko.

He must have felt that very unimpressed vibe she was projecting as he sat down among the boxes as if whatever weight he had on his shoulders was just too much. And he let out dejectedly “Oh who am I kidding. Nothing is alright. It’s like a broken vase you can’t put back together however much you want to.”

And Kyoko froze at those words. Was there a problem with Tsuruga-san’s work? Did he hit a roadblock again? She tried recalling what he was currently working on and it horrified her that she didn’t know. They had the same manager and share a ride at least once every two days on average. 

And she didn’t know. How could she not know?

Surely Yashiro has mentioned it once at least? They would have talked about his work and his co-stars in the car. She should know this! It was really freaking her out why she didn’t know.

She knew he was filming in Tokyo at least since Yashiro can still drop her off then pick her up on most days but aside from that she really had no idea.

She tried thinking back on their rides together and she can’t remember the last time she and Tsuruga-san had a conversation. She talked with Yashiro when they’re in the car, she excuses herself as soon as she can when they do meet each other at the agency. She got so good at avoiding him that they haven’t been alone together anywhere since.

“Maybe you would feel better if you told someone? Your manager perhaps? You said he was a friend?” Her hand was shaking for some reason. Dread was starting to pool somewhere in her stomach. 

“I don’t want to put him on the spot. But you’re right maybe I do need to let it out.” He waved his hand off-handedly as if to wave away his doubts, “I just ruined a good relationship with a friend because I got too concerned and crossed a line. Like the idiot that I am.” He leaned forward and covered his face with his hands. 

His next words were barely audible, “I really do break everything don’t I?” 

She tapped his shoulder tentatively after she managed to write, “I’m sure that person will forgive you if you spoke to them.”

He seemed to stare so long at the board, as if he had to take some time to understand what she wrote. He let out a laugh that was so full of pain and self-loathing that it hurt her. Tsuruga-san shouldn’t laugh like that, he shouldn’t look so… broken. It reminded her too much of Cain, Cain during that night where he seemed so small and broken. 

She didn’t want to see him like this.

She wanted to turn around and forget this ever happened.

“Oh I’ve tried.” He seemed to look at her straight in the eye at that moment, as if she wasn’t wearing the chicken suit at all. 

“Oh God you have no idea how much I tried. But how do you apologize to someone who won’t even look you in the eye? She looks at me just below my lower lashes, it creates this illusion to everyone else looking that she’s meeting my eyes. It’s a good trick and I should applaud her for learning that one so early on.” He buried his face in his hands again, “The worst part of it is she knows that I’m well aware she doesn’t want to look at me.”

Kyoko’s heart was beating so loudly. She could just imagine his impressive brown eyes looking straight into her like he did before. He could so easily read her. “You have very expressive eyes Mogami-san, I always know what you’re thinking,” he has once remarked off-handedly when he taught her how to play poker.

‘Please stop.’

“How do you apologize to someone who won’t even reply to your messages beyond the necessary words.” He let out another broken laugh, “I have this feeling that she counts them so she sends me the least characters. Why would she waste words on someone worthless like me?” 

Kyoko didn’t know what to do or what to say. Her brain seemed stuck, her body seems so heavy. 

Stop. Please stop

But Tsurugan-san doesn’t seem to hear her internal prayer, it was as if a dam broke inside him and all the pent up frustrations, pain and self-loathing suddenly came rushing forth.

“We commute together now and again and I thought after several days she would actually talk to me. I mean it was just us in the car, together our friend who’s driving us around. But guess it was just wishful thinking, sure she acts as if she’s including me in the conversation but she never talks to me. She talks at me. She nods in my direction. She acts like we’re in a conversation but she never really talks to me anymore. I miss it when she tells me about her day, how she managed to get more into her character.”

‘Stop. Stop. Stop.’ Became a mantra in her head, her mouth was dry and her head was spinning. But she still hears his words clearly.

“She’s currently working on a new project and I thought she might need some pointers one of these days. And she’ll come and talk to me, I could help her and then apologize. But it seems she doesn’t even need me for that any more. She got other friends in the industry now and obviously doesn’t need a busybody in her life. She doesn’t need me.” That last word held so much darkness, so much loathing that all her demons hid in fear in the darkest corner of her being.

Each word was making her heart hurt. Like something was squeezing it. She doesn’t think she could take any more of this.

She wanted to scream at him to stop.

Stop. Please Stop.

She wanted to run away. She wanted to scream. She wanted have never known any of this. But he was not stopping.

“I went the old fashioned way and wrote her an apology letter because she’s been very very good at avoiding being alone with me. She always seem to be with someone or hail down someone once there is even a chance of us being alone.” He seemed to curl even more into his self and the aura surrounding him became even more painful. 

His voice sounded so raw and as hurt as he said, “I saw her read the name of the sender on that envelope and she immediately tossed it beneath her discarded scripts. She was so repulsed by that letter. Like it burned her somehow. Like she could see my dark soul over that envelope and she wanted nothing to do with it. And I bet that letter is still unopened until this very moment, she would have replied because she’s too polite not to do so.”

“Now? Now regret doesn’t even come close to what I feel." His next words were like mourning bells ringing during a storm, "I should have kept it under control so I wouldn't have hurt Kyoko.”


End file.
